목요일 오전반 기노스코 간증문 > 제자학교

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Prior to marrying my wife and subsequently, leaving my childhood church together in search of a new environment, I was very much a Sunday Christian. Going to church was extremely comfortable; with most of the congregation having already known me as a newborn and especially due to having my parents there as well, it was an extremely supporting and loving community where I could consult on everything from serious issues like job-searching, all the way to more trivial questions such as the most optimal form for deadlifts. I was comfortable, and before moving to Saenuri and participating in the Paedo and Kinosko Bible study programs, I had always been comfortable at church.
My previous church congregation has a lot of lifelong members who I remember from my really early days, who have seen me grow up through all phases of life. Socially, there is no better church for me to attend; it can be said that they are a part of my family. My mother conducts the church choir and I fill in whenever she is out of town, and the pastor, a lover of music and arts himself, has always supported me in my music and avidly supports the next generation of musicians as well. On top of all of this, it is a mere 2 minutes drive away from my house. However, being unfamiliar with a lot of biblical Korean language and so intertwined with the community, there wasn’t really an opportunity to delve further into my spiritual life, instead I was content with attending every Sunday, along with the occasional morning prayer service, and feeling fulfilled in volunteering for choir or for other miscellaneous music performances. God was a big part of my Sunday life, but as soon as I stepped out of church, I reverted back into a person of this world.
The Paedo study taught me one main thing - that whoever believes in our salvation through Jesus Christ’ sacrifice has been forgiven and received the gift of eternal life. Throughout my time at Saenuri leading up to Kinosko, I embraced salvation and tried to lead a more Christian life, at home, at work, in social gatherings; however, I soon came to an impasse. Originally, my wife and I were supposed to join one of the small groups filled with newlyweds, but as all of them were at capacity, we ended up forming one out of fellow students in our Paedo class. With everyone in our group having life circumstances keeping them busy, we were assigned as leaders, and I quickly realized how out of my depth I was. Although I was struggling with my career and plan for the future, having the added responsibility of organizing gatherings and listening to the problems or concerns of my group members made me question how I could help others when I couldn’t even stabilize myself? Was this really the Christian thing to do, putting myself in a place where I was not qualified to be, where it made no sense from any organizational standpoint?
        And this is how I came to Kinosko, uncertain about my role in church, uncertain about my own life, and a bit nervous about joining a study group as the only male participant. Even though this last point ended up being a massive blessing, it contributed to me wanting to cancel my sign-up and just give up leading my small group altogether. As Kinosko started, we all introduced ourselves, and while telling my own spiritual life and how I came to this point, I found a group of fellow believers, also laden with their own concerns and burdens, but so loving and supportive and willing to give advice on the most dire of issues. However, the most significant effext of the program was how each session of Kinosko molded me into a son of God who could stand on his own two feet in the face of the world, without the need for qualifications and without feeling the pressure of others’ judgements, instead realizing that apart from God, we can do nothing, but with Him, we can do everything.

“I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭18‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

        Through Kinosko, so many things in my life feel resolved, not due to a change in circumstances, but in a reframing of my mindset and through acknowledging that everything I have, my abilities, and ultimately my entire existence, comes from God. I commit to living with God, walking with Him through every situation in life and striving to be like Jesus Christ in my actions, always glorifying God and putting Him first in my daily life. I promise to challenge myself in my belief, to wrestle with the hard questions, so that I can be always be prepared to give an answer to those that ask me for the source of my strength and conviction. And lastly, I promise to be loving, for God’s love for me is not earned, but freely given!

-차동수