디사이플 10기 "제자입니까" 독후감 > 제자학교

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“Disciples” by Juan Carlos Ortiz introduces many challenging ideas about what it is really like to live a life as a disciple of Jesus Christ. Through reading this book, I also have been challenged many times in my self-centered life. I was questioned many times throughout this book on whether I was really living a Jesus-centered life. 

I also had many questions myself that were brought up by what I read. The book mentions that when Jesus said "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34), this was indeed a command, not just another advice in life that we don’t have to put much weight on. As I was meditating on this message, I wondered why Christianity has divided into so many different denominations, condemning each other for differences in their doctrines, going as far as some considering some denominations as cults. I do not believe that this is loving one another as Jesus commanded us to do. Furthermore, I had more questions in terms of how we can truly love cults. From their point of view, they believe their doctrine is the truth and try to bring others into believing it, just as we do for our doctrines. How can love exist in such a place where both sides believe that only themselves are true and are trying to pull each other to believe their doctrines? I still have many unanswered questions, but the only answer I received was Philippians 1:15-18. (It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.) Will planting deteriorated seed provide no joy in harvesting? The Bible says otherwise.

    Ortiz also mentions that worship is for God, not for ourselves. Many people, including myself, often choose their church based on many different factors such as the quality of message, praise team, size, etc. People tend to choose bigger churches over smaller churches for many different reasons; most importantly, the pastor’s message has to be good. Ortiz reminds us that we often worship not for God, but for ourselves. Having done praise team for the past 10 years, the quality of praise team was an important factor for myself as well in worship. It was even harder for me to focus on singing praise in the congregation if the drummer could not stay in tempo. However, through “Disciples”, Ortiz reminded me that it didn’t matter whether I was focused or not. It never did. Rather, worship was for God, and God only. Worship should be an expression of gratitude for God, and glorifying him for who he is, not for myself. Reading “Disciples” was an experience where I can look back on how much I idolized myself and my comfort over God.

    Ortiz also challenges us by presenting the idea that if we truly serve God as the Lord of our life, then we, as slaves, do not own anything in our life. Often times when singing praise, we call God as “Lord”. Ortiz explains that by calling God as Lord, we are putting ourselves in a position of a slave, following commands and not having our own will. If we truly believe and confess that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior, then we should always be ready to give up anything in our life for him. Unfortunately, this is not the case for myself, including the majority if not all of the people in the world who claim to be christians. Whether it’d be money, title, power, pleasure, honor, or even recognition in church, we have many idols in our life that we do not consider as idols. Idols are not just like a golden calf mentioned in the old testaments, but anything that we put above God in our lives. Even though we may think it doesn’t have such a priority in our life, it often takes a lot of effort to give it up for time with God. Ortiz has challenged me through “Disciples” that if we truly desire to be followers of Jesus Christ and take up our cross daily, we should be ready to give up anything at any given moment.

    Overall, reading “Disciples” was a time for me to reflect on my self-centered, comfort based faith, and truly understand what Jesus Christ wants. It also allowed me to reflect on whether I am actually spending my time to be with God. Though I may not even be close to living a life as a follower of Jesus, I pray that I can be more like Jesus day by day.